Please tell me there are so many other mom's and dad's out there with photos just like this. Yesterday was Bella's first day of preschool. We had prepared her for months for it. She never wanted to go. She was scared of the kids she didn't know, just everything about it. She did great when we dropped her off, and picked her up. She seemed to have a new found confidence. When we went to leave, a little boy pushed her off of the platform she was standing on because apparently she was in his way. She cut her knees on the rocks below her. Being a mother of a child that never pushes, bites, kicks, whatever, this is very hard for me to understand. I know kids do these things, but it is just beyond my comprehension what to exactly to do about it. My child looked at me and said, "Why did he do that? Friends aren't supposed to do that!" Like I had lied all along to her as to how people treat each other. How do I explain, "Oh honey, he only appears to be about 2 1/2 years old, he doesn't know better, it's OK"At least the mother was apologetic, and I had a friend say to me on the way out, "Oh, it won't be the last time." Really? Seriously? Lovely. Bella did not want to go back today, we fought all morning regarding the matter. When I left her, it was hard for me for some reason. I have cried two days in a row. Not because I have to leave her, god knows I have been waiting for this day. I am just not sure what it is. Maybe it is because I can no longer protect her, and be there to guide her every moment. Maybe it is because soon enough, she will be influenced by something much bigger than me, Her Peers. All I can hope for, is that when another kid gets knocked down by someone she will be the one there to pick that child up, and say, "Hey, sorry that happened to you. Wanna go play?"
7 comments:
Tell her to shove him back. :)
But it doesn't sound like that'd work for you, so as a teacher what I suggest is practicing a very big voice. Teach her to say very loudly: "OUCH", or "STOP". Loud enough to get attention and shock. Tell me if you have anymore transitional problems. And soon Bella will be teaching you how to deal with those little buggers. *Hugs for mommy.
And just in case, how's Bella's time at school? What does she remember, what does she like and not like? Maybe her school isn't interesting enough for her and her starfishing fingers and windy spirit :)
First of all, big hug. It is so hard for a parent to give advice on something so controversial. I had the same problem with my son when he went to preschool, and believe me for the first three weeks, she most likely will not want to go to school. Her comfort zone is at home, and now she has to stand on her own two feet without any protection. I honestly believe that your reaction and hers was perfect. You should be proud that you taught her that violence is not understandable nor tolerated. She will come into contact with it one day, but you never should fight violence with violence, and a child should never seek revenge. She will need to learn to defend herself by talking to an adult or talking to you. Hopefully, this type of behavior will not be the norm amongst her piers, and the good times will make up for the bad. There is no right answer for violent behavior, and the mother of that child has a much bigger problem to deal with then you. You have taught Bella what is right and wrong, so that she is prepared to go to school. You did a good job.
My son had a fantastic year at preschool last year, even though we had a rocky start. I met alot of mothers, and we are all still good friends. The entire class exchanged email addresses and we meet every once and awhile to let the kids play. I hope those will be the memories that you and Bella will remember throughout the year.
Hello there!
I am soo happy to see a new post.
I know it must be hard to let her hands "go" but we have to do it at some point for better or worse.
Spendng time with her piers will help her understand where she belongs and widen her world. In a sense up untill now both of you lived in a bubble and now it is time to step out of it.
Recently my husband and I talked about how hard it must be to be their age. To understand why they have to share (when as adults we don't have to share the same way if you think about it) or listen when they are told what to do when they are just trying to become more independent or play nice when the world around them is soo competitive. Dealing with situations like this is part of it. We are all different. Boys and girls are very different. Not to say that pushing is ok, but it will be part of her "school life" not only in a physical but in an emotional way too. I think she did great and she will learn to handle the kids around her.
As I already said to you she is such an "old soul". She will always be "different" than other kids, because she just knows better.
Hugs to you and be strong for the months to come!!!!
Julie:
I agree completely with saying the loud words, and fortunately, Bella is really good at that!! She has only had two days at school, and today was much better..She does have quite a windy spririt, and very large Starfishing fingers :)
Jeannine:
Yes the topic is very controversial. I have very strong opinions on this one particular thing. I think the state that children are in, in some families is very bleak. With the divorce rate, and economy. I do agree, Bella will learn to get a teacher, or someone else, and tell them what happened. I was thinking the same exact thing, that mother has much more to deal with, and you couldn't be more correct.
Andrea:
Hello! I agree, this will be part of her everyday experiences, both that and emotional. It is just so sad to me that this world is so competitive. I have to stop myself all the time, and realize that I may be competing as well. Accept my child for the "old soul" that she is. Your comment on that is much cherished friend.
Much love to all of you :)
Oh that little droopy face! Good on you for making the first step towards Bella's independence though. I am still a wuss - Lucy went four times and then we pulled out and she's still at home with me. I Just couldn't bear how distressed she was when I tried to leave. I've been told this happens to all children - it's such a big step for them - but after reading your post maybe I need her as much as I think she needs me? It's really important to let them take these steps though, I know. Maybe in another 3 or so months I'll give it another go.
As for the pushing, I think some kids are just more spirited and active than others. Lucy is quite active, and loves a good tickle and tussle. She has a friend who at 3 is such a lady, and anything beyond a tickle would be seen as bullying. I guess the bottom line is having respect each other. Hopefully the caregivers/teachers at Bella's preschool keep an eye on any bullies. Go Bella!
wow, she is so cute, I made a top just like that with the same fabric, but sadly it is too small for Sofia and Mila now ;-)
Hope she will love her preschool!!
Catherine,
Thank you so much for your kind words, yes, Bella is totally mellow, and laid back. She only roughhouses when absolutely necessary! (with us). She will adjust, it is just life I guess!
Erika, thank you, yes, Bella is loving preschool. She just hates change. Her favorite teacher wasn't here this week, and she fell apart. Oh dear...we'll keep truckin...
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